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baconasylum
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614225 / 682398
Rank : #69
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About baconasylum
Whenever I get a packet of plain M&Ms;, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms; are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms; as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hacketstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A, along with a 3x5 card reading, 'Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.' This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free bag of plain M&Ms;. I consider this 'grant money.' I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.
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baconasylum 's Latest Posts
baconasylum's Favorite Questions
Q : Do you even lift?
megan20111realabout a year ago
A : I try to, but as you can see, I fail
Q : I just wanted to say your "random doodles" are kick@ss. Kthxbai.
briebrieabout a year ago
A :
Q : wub wub wub, m8?
simplem8about a year ago
A : D-D-D-D-DROP THE BASE
Q : I happen to think the yellow M&M is the strongest. Although the red race might be evenly matched. Brown has always been strong there's no doubt in that. Expect to see me in the tournament
chan-san-senpai-tan11 months ago
A : WE WILL DUEL IN THE MANLIEST OF SPORTS! I HAVE AQUIRED A GENETICALLY ENHANCED RED M&M THAT HAS NEVER BEEN DEFEATED
Q : Are you really from Gallifrey? Because I'm trapped here, on Earth, bored.
slxoverlord9 months ago
A : I'm an ancient galifreyan wizard travelling the many times and worlds, you may have seen me recently in The Hobbit
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